A place for non-aviation humor, keep it PG-13 please
Fri Mar 24, 2017 4:38 pm
So, it's Saturday night, and as usual, I'm off duty. I was on my way back from the club when my cellphone rings. It's the manager for a warehouse that the company has. The manager told me that the alarm company had called her at home because security wasn't answering the phone. I was ten minutes away, so, no problem. I open the front door and the smoke hits me. Long story short, I was there all night. So, Sunday morning at 6 I go to my office and the security supervisor is surprised to see me. I told him what happened and we pullled up video from the communications desk. The young man there has his feetbup on the desk and a conference call with at least two other people. Five times the emergency line lights up and five times he hangs up on them. I told the supervisor I would be in that night for shift change, and I was. The guards were surprised to see me. Everyone got assignments, except for that young man. When it was just me, the supervisor, and him, I told him: "Your assignment tonight, and for the forseeable future is that you will get a folding chair from the storeroom and you will guard the dumpsters. I will send someone every two hours so you can go to the bathroom andbget something to drink. The young man then looksvatbthe supervisor like "rescue me". The supervisor told him "You heard the man, GO!" Tuesday morning the young man came to see me. He said, "Just to let you know, I'm resigning". I replied:"That would be most wise".
Fri Mar 24, 2017 4:45 pm
An aside from that story, when I called 911, a fire truck pulled up with three of the most beautiful people I'd ever seen in my life. They lookednlike models fresh from a photoshoot. Thentwo girls and guy walkedbthe property with me. They said:We don't see anything, we're going back to the station". I replied:"Like hell you will". The volunteer firefighters then called their Captain. When that truck pulled up, the Captain wasleaning out of the window. "The fire is on the roof you morons", he yelled. He then made the three of them go up 0n the roof and put the fire out.
Sat Mar 25, 2017 2:47 pm
Another fire story. In one of our buildings, we had a breakdown in training. The security desk had a mini fire panel. The new guards were told that if any of the lights came on, to call the Building engineer. Actually, if the one red light came on, they were to call 911 and notify a supervisor. So, when the red light went on and panel read:"Fire in the penthouse", the new guard called the engineer, then went upstairs, as the engineer told him to. The guard didn't find anything. When a secretary asked him about the alarm, hetold her not to worry. (By the way, it was a Saturday morning). When the guard went downstairs, he saw the fire truck pull up. (The alarm company had done it's job.) , the guard put a call out on the radio. Luckily, I was two minutes away. That day, there were only three firefighters on te truck, no Captain, which is unusual for Houston Fire Department. I gave the senior firefighter instructions to the penthouse, along with passkeys,and more. Still, he got lost three times. Violating protocal, I went up on the elevator with them to the roof. When we got there, we found the elevator equipment room fully ablaze. The senior firefighter actually asked what to do. I replied: You can put out the fire, for starters". Come monday, my boss asked what happened. As she looked on with horrror, I told her.I finished with, "Any second now, thebtaining supervisor willl call, asking why I've called a training class for this morning". Sure enough, one second later, he did.
Sun Mar 26, 2017 5:27 pm
In the 90's, I was the general manager of a Marriott. I inherited some kids, a couple of them straight out of high school. One of them was Suzanne. In my early days at the hotel, I noticed the bellhop was pretty much attached to her hip. One day I ordered the bellhop on an errand that he very reluctantly accepted. When I was alone with Suzanne, I said:"Suzanne, I've waited a while to be alone with you and now that the moment has arrrived, there is something I must ask you". She looked at me like "Oh no, the old pervert is going to ask me out",(actuallly, I was 32 at the time). I then asked her,"Suzanne, when the refrigerator door closes, does the light stay on?" She instantly recovered and answered:"No, the litttle man on the shelf runs over and turns it out".
Sun Mar 26, 2017 5:42 pm
When I ran the hotel, my chief engineer was Hig ( a nickname). Hig was a full time Houston firefighter, his second job atbthe hotel. Hig became my best friend, and father figure. He had these masssive Popeye forearms because during his down time at te fire station, he used those hand squeezers. Hig was the one who talked me into taking the 911 job (he was a shift supervisor there-his thirdbjob). So, one weeekend, security at thebresort had busted a party at a bungalow(a father had rented it out, gave it to his 17 year old son along with two beer kegs). The teeens had trashed the place, 2k in damages. The kegs somehow found themselves in my office. The son and father, who had rented thekegs, also found their way into my office. They wanted the kegs back, but couldn't have them until they paid damages. An argument ensued. I was caught out of position, not close to the radio. Hig was down the hall gettting coffeee. The father was trying to get the son to atttack me. Just then, Hig walked in the room. The father took one look at Hig's arms and said:"Yes officer, you'll have the check tomorrow". I replied:"You bet you will". They left, the son looking quite confused. I told Hig, "Goood thing you walked in, it wasabout to get ugly". Hig said:"You could've taken them".
Sun Mar 26, 2017 5:53 pm
Fast forward 10 years. I'm working at the oil company. We get a call that there's a woman trapped in an elevator. Irun over with the security supervisor. When we make contact, I already knew the elevator tech wasabout 10 minutes out, but the woman told me that she had already called 911. Through Hig, I knew thT the FD would damage the hell out of the elevator to get her out. I told the supervisor to stay with her and I RAN downstairs. The ladder truck was pullling up. I knew the Captain on the truck-he was on Hig's crew at one time. I said:"Mark, I got this". He smiled and said:"If it was anyone else, we'd go in and destroy that elevator". I told him "thanks", at which he said:"I'lll telll your dad (Hig), I saw you". I smiled and said:"Thanks". (Mark and some others thought Imwas Hig's son from a teeen marriage-given up at birth, because of a resemblance between us and that I callled the station all the time).
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