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As you go out to celebrate our freedom this 4th of July, let's go over a few things to make your celebration a success.
Before leaving home make sure you check the color coded Homeland Security alert status. Be especially careful if it is orange or red. Don't worry about yellow. It's always yellow.
Don't use any illegal fireworks in your 4th Celebration. It's for your own safety and the founding father's implemented a government to protect you from yourselves. Didn't they?
Besides, fireworks are explosive devices and you might be considered a terrorist with weapons of mass destruction. And although the government can't find any in Iraq, you can rest assured they will find them in your car trunk. But don't worry, getting arrested, imprisoned indefinitely without formal charges, and a 5 year wait before the secret tribunal trial per the Patriot Act is a breeze. It's that secret summary execution that should make you nervous.
Do not leave home without your driver's license, social security card, birth certificate, medical records, W-2 Form, and two others forms of ID. You may be asked for them at the police checkpoints. Better yet, get micro-chipped, and avoid the hassle of carrying around your papers.
Make sure you are buckled up in your seat belts, there will be roadblocks and checkpoints to make sure you comply with the proper amout of holiday cheer. Have your papers ready as you approach the holiday police checkpoints. If an officer asks to search your vehicle at the "seat belt" checks, do not be belligerent and demand a search warrant. Standing up for your fourth amendment rights is anti-social and not in tune with the new American way. Are you with Al Qaeda or something?
Do not get upset when the searching officer will not help you pick up your belongings that he has strewn all over the highway as he searched your vehicle. It is not in his job description and complaining will get you charged with obstructing justice.
Do not put any "anti-government" bumper stickers on your car. Especially not anything about the right to keep and bear arms. Police have been trained by the FBI in "bumper sticker profiling". This attracts their attention at the check points, and makes you look like a terrorist. You should be especially aware of the fact that "They will get my gun, when they pry it from my cold dead fingers" is no longer mere semantics. At WACO, and at RUBY RIDGE, we learned that they WILL kill you to take your guns
Leave your guns at home. You are not going hunting and besides, What on earth do guns have to do with American Independence? Better yet, turn your guns into the authorities to let them know that you are a true patriotic American, It is for the children.
ALSO, be careful not to have any unauthorized THOUGHTS. There are now serious penalties for "thought crime". Be aware that "civil forfeiture" laws make it possible to take anything that you own, by alleging that it was "intended" to be used for the commission of a crime. This could include transporting, or storing, a gun. If "civil forfeiture" proceedings are initiated against you, then you will have the burden of proof, to show that your thoughts were in compliance with government standards.
Don't criticize the President, or other government officials, you might be in violation of the Patriot Act and considered a possible terrorist.
If your children get out of line this holiday, do not discipline them, or they may be kidnapped by the Dept. of Social Services and held hostage until you receive approved psychological therapy and are deemed acceptable.
If celebrating on any public property, make no mention of religious ideals. Government is god there and will not tolerate any competition. You will be aprehended. Don't mention the Constitution when you finially get a court date, or you could be held in contempt and the whole process starts over.
If celebrating at the mall in Washington DC. you are probably safe as the mall is now monitored by hundreds of surveillance cameras, federal security forces, and anti-aircraft batteries. But don't do anything that you wouldn't want your mother to see on the Six-O_Clock News
Bring lots of cash with you, there will be many taxes, fines, and fees to pay as you celebrate your freedoms this day.
Get to know some politicians, and bureacrats, so that you might be able to head off the taking of your private property to be given to private developers for "public good".
If traveling by air, this Independence Day, do not give the airport screeners a hard time. They are feeling you up, molesting your wife and daughter all for the security of America. If you complain you could be arrested. You don't support Bin Laden do you?
Keep an eye on your fellow Americans as you celebrate this 4th of July. If you see anything suspicious, take notes so that when you get home you can call and report them to the Homeland Security Office. And remember you are not a nosey snitch, you are a great American Patriot.
Do not mention the signers of the Declaration of Independence this 4th of July. Mentioning these white subversive terrorists is not popular and could get you in big trouble. Besides what do these guys have to do with the 4th of July anyway?
Do not take a copy of the Declaration of Independence with you as it advocates the overthrow of tyrannical government. It is a terrorist document and will be confiscated at the holiday police checkpoints. Same advice for the Constitution.
Remember, as you leave home for your 4th of July outing, that the second you stepped out your front door you probably broke hundreds of federal, state, and local laws that you are probably unaware of. However, if you tow the line, you will not be charged.
Don't even think about taxes on this great day. The 50 per cent government confiscation of your income at the threat of imprisonment or at the point of a gun should not even cross your mind as you revel in all your freedom. April 15th is a long way off.
And whatever you do, do not let on that you really know that true freedom died a long time ago in America, just have fun for the day and then go home and stick your head back in the sand and pretend America is not becoming a socialist police state.
Now go out there and celebrate your pretend freedom and liberty, and have a great sanitized, politically correct, and government approved and authorized Independence Day!
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