Women...
Wed Oct 05, 2005 1:47 pm
Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...
First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.
Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...
First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.
Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."
Wed Oct 05, 2005 1:53 pm
Oh man... I am killing myself laughing here! 
I just hope I can get the smirk off my face before I go home.
Mike
Wed Oct 05, 2005 9:13 pm
So true, eh!
Thu Oct 06, 2005 12:43 pm
Brilliant, but isn't it also true that all women should come with and instruction manual... oh, I forgot, men apparently don't read the instruction manual 
Tony
Tony
Thu Oct 06, 2005 3:29 pm
Tony C wrote:Brilliant, but isn't it also true that all women should come with and instruction manual... oh, I forgot, men apparently don't read the instruction manual
Tony
I actually read the instruction manual. It only has two lines...
#1: When you are wrong you are wrong.
#2: When you are right you are wrong.
I threw out the darn thing.
Mike
Thu Oct 06, 2005 3:56 pm
I was going to refer Kelly to the Joke after she said something that reminded me of it, but it seems to have showed up in our "in Box" sometime during the day and I did not have too.
She almost started to write a rebuttal but refrained.
She almost started to write a rebuttal but refrained.
Thu Oct 06, 2005 3:58 pm
TimApNy wrote:I was going to refer Kelly to the Joke after she said something that reminded me of it, but it seems to have showed up in our "in Box" sometime during the day and I did not have too.
She almost started to write a rebuttal but refrained.
Which means it is going to show up in Catherine's inbox. Oh crap...
Mike
Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:04 am
Just remember Mike, Its Scott who sent the joke. Just channel the Fury torward the source, I think he like it that way.
Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:52 pm
TimApNy wrote:Just remember Mike, Its Scott who sent the joke. Just channel the Fury torward the source, I think he like it that way.
Wed Oct 12, 2005 1:05 pm
Sounds like a great idea!!!! 
Anna
Anna
Rules from the male perspective
Sat Oct 15, 2005 1:42 pm
Following Scotts original post, I found this list on the ARC modelling website and thought that you might all appreciate the sentiment (certain points have been changed to reflect the interest of this site).
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Sunday sports, it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
LET IT BE.
Shopping is NOT a sport and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want and let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!
We consider Yes and No to be perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it, that's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument, in fact all comments become null and void after7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
DON'T ASK US!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched, we do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football, baseball, the shotgun formation, monster trucks or WARBIRDS.
And NO, these 'birds are not flesh and blood...........well not in the sense that you will understand!
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Enjoy and laugh if allowed
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Sunday sports, it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
LET IT BE.
Shopping is NOT a sport and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want and let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!
We consider Yes and No to be perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it, that's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument, in fact all comments become null and void after7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
DON'T ASK US!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched, we do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football, baseball, the shotgun formation, monster trucks or WARBIRDS.
And NO, these 'birds are not flesh and blood...........well not in the sense that you will understand!
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Enjoy and laugh if allowed
Sun Oct 16, 2005 9:28 am
A man who had a little too much to drink is driving home one night and his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk
"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk
"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Last edited by wls3 on Mon Oct 17, 2005 11:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
Sun Oct 16, 2005 10:03 am
The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
Eric
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
Eric