Warbird Information Exchange

we have had some topics of tough times in the life of A & Ps, so I thought a little humor is called for.
First, what is the derivative of the word mechanic? Why, of course, it is a combination of two words, mech and maniac, as in, you got to be crazy to so this job. I made that one up, but the next one is a lot better.

This comes from Ray Middleton, who as well as being an aviation vet is a source of many jokes.

Some guy inherits a warbird, and it has got so many tight and hard to access spaces that the regular mechanics at the jet dealer don't know what to do. They advise the owner to get an "aviation maintenance monkey". So he gores to the local pet store where he knows they have a lot of monkeys for sale. The shrewd store owner does not blink when he asks for a maintenance monkey. The owner is shown the first cage, with a price on it of $500. He asks about the normal looking monkey and is told that that is an A & P monkey, and that it can fix his airplane. Then he sees the next row where the price is $1000. He asks why the difference? He is told that this is an I A monkey who can not only fix the plane, but sign off all the work as legal.
As the owner is about to buy one and leave he sees one more cage in the back and is astounded to see the price of $5000! So he asked the owner what kind of work that monkey can do to justify that price? He is told that as far as they can determine this monkey has never done anything other than stand around and scratch himself, but that the sign on the cage that he came in says that he is a pilot.

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Bill Greenwood
Spitfire N308WK

Now THAT is funny. Would Ray mind if I used it when the need arises? I started the A&P thread just to get a laugh. This is the kind of stuff I was hoping for. You need to be able to laugh at yourself before you can laugh at others. Good job Bill.

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The more I learn about aircraft, the more I realize I still have to learn.

Good one!

I have posted on my office wall:

An AME (Aircraft Maintenance Engineer it's a Canadian thing eh) is someone who does more and more with less and less, until he can do absolutely everything with nothing!

Had a boss once that didn't see the humor of it! Sometimes the truth hurts!

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Mike

Ah yes, There we were, left engine on fire, right engine feathered...ahh yes,...there we were, ..Screwed! No Kissing!

Not A&P related but, there was a sign posted in the window at the lineshack where I used to work.
This was the shack where the lineboys, who refueled the planes, stayed:
AEROSPACE PETROLEUM TRANSFER ENGINEERS

I've always liked an A&P's snarky comeback to a loudmouth pilot who berates mechanics 'Excuse me sir, do you know the difference between you and a jet engine?' 'No, what is the difference?' 'When the jet gets to the gate, one way or another I have the skills to make IT stop whining!'

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Don't make me go get my flying monkeys-

Now that's pretty good!

Ryan

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Aerial Photographer with Red Wing Aerial Photography currently based at KRBD and tailwheel CFI.
Websites: Texas Tailwheel Flight Training, DoolittleRaid.com and Lbirds.com.

The horse is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the LORD. - Prov. 21:31 - Train, Practice, Trust.

At the FBO of former employment....
Customer walks in and explains to the Director of Maint. the peculiar behavior of the oil pressure his engine is having. He then proceeds to tell the DOM to change the oil in the engine. We do.
Later, the pilot/owner comes back and says the problems is still there. Swap the gauges, left to right (twin engine airplane). We do. Problem remains. A couple of days later, he comes back and says, 'blow out the line to the gauge'. We do. Problem remains. This goes on for about 2 weeks.
Finally, the pilot comes up to the DOM and says, "I've tried everything I can think of and haven't fixed the problem. What's wrong with my airplane?!!" Boss says, "I don't know. This is the first time you asked me"?

......two....three....four.......DOH!!

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Don't make me go get my flying monkeys-

Another Ray story.
Very early in his warbird wrenching career, he gets an urgent phone call from a guy stranded at Oshosh with his Mustang broken down.

The pilot had a bad cylinder, but luckily he lives not too far away and has a spare head and bank in his hangar ready to go. So, I think Ward Wilkins picks up Ray and they fly some twin down to get the head and bank. They load it ok, fly back to Oshkosh and do the head and bank change. The very grateful owner has his swagger back as he fires up the plane. But things turn a little sour when the miss is still there.

The new head and bank worked fine, just like the one they replaced. It was the Other Side that was at fault. Ray learned to never just believe a pilot diagnosis without checking, if you can.

You shake your head, laugh about these things for years to come. In the end, it is only time and money, which warbirds demand, and no one hurt or metal bent.

Seriously,one of the important things in repair and maintenance, especially with exotic stuff or warbirds, is the interchange between pilot and mechanic. Some mechanics make the opposite mistake of never listening enough to the pilot who may have hundreds of hours of feeling or hearing the plane. Of course, there is the really tough problem that never shows up on the ground,only in flight.

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Bill Greenwood
Spitfire N308WK

Good point Bill. If my pilot describes to me what the symptom is, usually it is not a major issue and can be repaired fairly easily. But other times I've gotten on the phone or sent e-mails to see if any other guys have encountered the same problems. Somewhere along the line, someone has encountered the same thing and can cut down on your troubleshooting. After I think I've fixed the problem, I will go up with the pilot for a few circuits of the field to make sure. If, the problem still exists, I will have a better idea of what the symptoms are.

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The more I learn about aircraft, the more I realize I still have to learn.

The one thing I hate is when I get a snag and no matter what I do I can't reproduce it on the ground. I do all the tests and follow the FIM to the letter..... nothing. It's serviceable. So I have to write in the log "FIM proceedure **-**-**-*** carried out no fault found" The next crew turn up and I know that they think I've "Penned it off".
I NEVER pen things off and I hate to think that somebody thinks that I have.
Oh by the way, Bill's changing the wrong Merlin bank story....I did the same with a 747 spoiler control mixer unit How we laughed!!!!


Rgds Cking

How many times do you have to ask,

"Did you verify the squawk?"

Or

"His left or my left?"

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"Hindsight is usually 20% off!"

& the old favorite....

I don't want my mother finding out I'm an aircraft mechanic, she thinks I'm a piano player in a whore house...

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Those who possess real knowledge are rare.

Those who can set that knowledge into motion in the physical world are rarer still.

The few who possess real knowledge and can set it into motion of their own hands are the rarest of all.

My worst aircrew/techo fight was when I worked on RAAF C130's.

I was in the front desk when the aircrew came in and filled out the 700.

They faulted the radar for not painting ground features correctly.

My answer - It's a friggin' weather radar. If it paints the ground then you're way too low (but not as polite).

A 10 minute conversation at attention with the EngO ensued.

I still am adamant that the Nav was a fool.

In the RAF that's known as an "interview without tea"

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Those who possess real knowledge are rare.

Those who can set that knowledge into motion in the physical world are rarer still.

The few who possess real knowledge and can set it into motion of their own hands are the rarest of all.