The future of airlines in the US
Wed Aug 09, 2006 10:56 am
Attendant:
Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?
Passenger:
Sure.
Attendant:
You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!
Passenger:
What for?
Attendant:
For telling you where to sit.
Passenger:
But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant:
Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat-locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.
Passenger:
That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.
Attendant:
Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
Passenger:
Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.
Attendant:
Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?
Passenger:
That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant:
No problem (grunts). Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.
Passenger:
What?
Attendant:
The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger:
This is extortion. I won't stand for it.
Attendant:
Actually, you're right -- you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But first I need that $10.
Passenger:
No way.
Attendant:
Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the Air Marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.
Passenger:
Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
Attendant:
No, but there's a $50 Air-Marshal hailing fee.
Passenger:
Oh, all right, here -- take the $10. I can't believe this.
Attendant:
Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Passenger:
Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?
Attendant:
Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger:
The airline is charging me for cabin air?
Attendant:
Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger:
I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?
Attendant:
Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger:
But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.
Attendant:
Yes, there's a change-making fee of 25 cents.
Passenger:
For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?
Attendant:
Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory…
If this weren't so close to the truth, it'd be funnier.
Mudge the ex-airline guy
Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?
Passenger:
Sure.
Attendant:
You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!
Passenger:
What for?
Attendant:
For telling you where to sit.
Passenger:
But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant:
Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat-locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.
Passenger:
That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.
Attendant:
Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
Passenger:
Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.
Attendant:
Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?
Passenger:
That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant:
No problem (grunts). Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.
Passenger:
What?
Attendant:
The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger:
This is extortion. I won't stand for it.
Attendant:
Actually, you're right -- you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But first I need that $10.
Passenger:
No way.
Attendant:
Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the Air Marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.
Passenger:
Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
Attendant:
No, but there's a $50 Air-Marshal hailing fee.
Passenger:
Oh, all right, here -- take the $10. I can't believe this.
Attendant:
Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Passenger:
Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?
Attendant:
Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger:
The airline is charging me for cabin air?
Attendant:
Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger:
I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?
Attendant:
Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger:
But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.
Attendant:
Yes, there's a change-making fee of 25 cents.
Passenger:
For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?
Attendant:
Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory…
If this weren't so close to the truth, it'd be funnier.
Mudge the ex-airline guy
Wed Aug 09, 2006 11:00 am
...just buses with wings...
Wed Aug 09, 2006 12:15 pm
John,,,you've got that right. I keep telling Mrs. Mudge that the people who are flying today would have been the bus riders of 40 years ago.
Mudge the prescient
Mudge the prescient
Last edited by Mudge on Wed Aug 09, 2006 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Wed Aug 09, 2006 1:25 pm
Torch Lewis once wrote that the decline of commercial air travel began in the early 1970s when the airlines started offering discounts to college students. The result was a bunch of scruffy hippies in an environment where previously one dressed up for travel.
Wed Aug 09, 2006 5:40 pm
Grrrrrrrrr,
as a now FORMER airline employee, the whole industry went into the tank when the corporate raiders stripped out all of the assets that the airlines had. Planes, routes, facilities, gates, and equipment. All that was left for them to take was the employee wages and the pension contributions. Ugh....don't get me started on this one
Paul
as a now FORMER airline employee, the whole industry went into the tank when the corporate raiders stripped out all of the assets that the airlines had. Planes, routes, facilities, gates, and equipment. All that was left for them to take was the employee wages and the pension contributions. Ugh....don't get me started on this one
Paul