I have two sons. My wife and I pay special attention to them. Some people have said that we mistreat them. They have to go to bed at a certain time. They aren't allowed to play video games. They have to make clean plates, and help clean up after we are done doing anything including dinner and playing with toys. Corporal punishment is a reality in our house- spanking and pushups. We talk about God with them almost every day, although we do not attend church. We want them to know that there is a higher power out there that sees them doing good and bad things, and is taking notes. We pull our kids aside and tell them when they are doing something wrong, and have taken both of them away from events where they were misbehaving. We make them say please and thank you. We go by Dad, Mom, and first names with other people, and if a person prefers to be called Mr. or Mrs., my oldest knows to ask what a person wants to be called. We constantly tell them how important they are to us, and teach them how to help us out, and we give them little jobs to earn the toys we give them- they have lots of toys but have worked for all of them. We spend lots of time with them- yesterday, I assistant coached and my oldest tried out for soccer in a summer league.
Suffice to say, although we have had the occasional broken toy, dish, or bicycle (they are boys after all), we are often complimented about how well behaved they are. We went into very jumbled antique stores today, and didn't have to tell either of them to behave or don't touch, not once- the 3 year old did exceptionally well. It isn't easy- my wife and I switch out and don't have them in day care so our days are organized around their schedules. What they do makes it worth the time.
I don't think I have a magic touch, and I don't think I am the best parent out there. My wife and I definitely didn't have the best models for parents. I don't claim a mastery of parenting skills, and sometimes, I don't know what to do and have to improvise successfully and unsuccessfully. But I do discipline myself to pay attention to my kids, because I think they need that more than anything else, including education. I'm a pretty tolerant person, but don't handle seeing kids being abused or neglected. I don't think it is my mission to moralize to everybody about their kids, but I have gotten pretty disgusted and said things to people about their kids when it is obvious to me that no one cares about them. I take them aside, and tell them that all they have to do is spend some time with them. If they don't start yelling at me to mind my own business, the most common excuse I hear is that they just don't understand their kids. I tell them that spending time with them will cure that. The next excuse is that they don't have time because of work, family, etc. That is true for lots of people, no question. But who's going to do it for you? Teacher, daycare, neighbors, peers? I think at one time in this country, you could count on those people, because they were close echoes of the social "norms" most people expected. But today, all those entities are strange like from another planet. That is probably a big part of why my wife and I do what we do.
Again, I don't want to moralize or tell people how to care for their kids. This is a short description of a lot of time we take to spend with our kids. I know not everybody has that time, and it is also a very personal choice. But I'm pretty pleased with the results, and it think it speaks toward what is being described here.
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