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A Wix member asked me about a ski trip. So here is how to do it if you are from Texas. And this is snow skiing, not playing on a lake.
1. Always* drive to Colorado from Texas. After all you bought that 15 mpg 450 horsepower turbo SUV, why not use it? And how far away can Aspen really be, isn't it out there somewhere past Midland?
Just toss the 7 kids and your cousin in and hit the road. How about the wife? Well, assuming she is not your cousin, you might get her also, and it's always good to have a pit bull along. Be sure to pack some guns also, after all it is still the old west out here.
And make sure to have your NRA and W bumper stickers so folks won't mistake you for a native.
The Drive* exception is is you've got a G 4 or something like that and can fly in and not have to mix with the great unwashed, or eat airline food. Then you can join all the flatlander pilots talking about how bad the approach is.
2. Where to go? Well you could go to Aspen, but you might not feel as down home there, it might be different from Lubbock or such. And the skiers might be better than you thought. So you could try Breck and see some of your neighbors from home there. And there you'll see LOT's of folks who have less of a clue than you do on snow.
3. When you get there, NEVER* take ski lessons. After all, you were all district in football back in 75, how hard could this skiing be? Is snow really any different than water?
4. Where do you get your clothes and equipment? If you lived in West Virgina, you could just wear that snowmobile suit that keeps you warm at home. Or stop at your local Cathcart dealer for some nice warm duds. After all that fancy shops in Aspen or Vail are gonna be real expensive, and if you get the wife dressing like some Cindy Crawford where is it ever gonna end? If you want to be independent, that jacket you wear duck hunting ought to be pretty warm up here. The bloodstains just give it patina.
For boots and skis, hey doesn't Oshmans carry that stuff? Why wait to you get to Colorado, spend your bucks at home. If the salesman doesn't ski, at least he read about it in the magazine. You want really comfortable boots, let's say at least a size bigger than your street shoe so they don't bind in the bar.
Now some of those Colorado skiers wear gogles to protect their eyes. But you've got some shades that look cool when you ride the Harley, so why waste the money. As for kids, you'll see the local ones protecting their eyes with good UV lenses, but your kids are tough, after all you take em to see the airshows without hats, earplugs or sunglasses and it just makes em tough. Your only gonna be here less than a week anyway.
5. Do you need to acclimate or condition to high altitude? Well, you got time on the drive up to quit smoking to give your lungs time to clear. And these days you mostly chew anyway. And you did play nine holes on foot that day it was too wet for the carts.How hard could it be to breathe at 10,000 feet?
6. And if you do get to Aspen, make sure to stay in and ski only at Snowmass. It was developed by Texans and the lower part is about the same pitch as east Texas. And cousin Luther, says that is where he always goes, and he has been twice. It's even got a version of Mexican food. Now they got new giant hotels so it feels like Dallas or Houston. If you actually want to see a mountain, you can buy a postcard in the gift shop. Besides the other three ski mountains tend to be full of Democrats, and even Europeans.
7. Since you aren't gonna take any sissy lessons, you don't need to get up early. So it is great to go out partying, especially the first night and drink a lot and stay up late. And tell everyone in the bar how far you drove in a very loud voice. If you are only a little loud, they may think you are from New York. If you are hung over enough, you may sleep in late enough that you don't even have to mess with skiing.
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Bill Greenwood
Spitfire N308WK
Last edited by Bill Greenwood on Sat Dec 20, 2008 3:45 pm, edited 11 times in total.
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