US Navy welcomes the USS Bill Clinton Carrier

bdk · **Joined:** Sun May 02, 2004 1:16 am **Posts:** 11324

Quote:

US Navy welcomes the USS Bill Clinton
Monday, September 4, 2006 - Vancouver, BC - Headed for Seattle , Washington
The US Navy welcomed the latest member of its fleet today.

The USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver , BC.

The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton "for his foresight in military budget cuts" and his conduct while president. The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck but form a very menacing presence. As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board. The 20 person crew is completely diversified and includes members of all races, creeds, sex, and sexual orientation. This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs. An on board Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may sound hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere. The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defense - instead in times of conflict the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada. The ship may be positioned near the Democratic National Party Headquarters for photo-ops and can be used extensively for social experimentation, and whatever other worthless jobs the ex-commander-in-chief and his wife can think of. It is largely rumored that the ship will also be the set for the upcoming season of MTV's "The Real World". The ship was renamed and commissioned USS William J. Clinton when someone realized the USS Blowfish was already taken. Internship recruitment is a full-time job on this war-ship and new interns are rotated in every other week.

Roger Cain · **Posted:** Sat Nov 18, 2006 3:35 am

Look in the background, anyone recognize the tower?

Dan K · **Posted:** Sat Nov 18, 2006 3:38 pm

Heh, heh...

"...USS Blowfish was already taken..."

Bear · **Posted:** Mon Nov 20, 2006 2:53 pm

That's good stuff.

Former Member · **Joined:** Mon Aug 29, 2005 1:40 pm **Posts:** 1493

It's too bad "W" wasn't on board dressed in a flight suit with a "Mission Accomplished" banner in the background. Now that would be funny! :lol:

John

Ztex · **Posted:** Mon Nov 20, 2006 4:22 pm

..USS Blowfish was already taken... :rofl:

Former Member · **Joined:** Mon Aug 29, 2005 1:40 pm **Posts:** 1493

Just to be fair I couldn't resist posting this. :lol:

Instead of shooting down fictitous soviet jet fighters he could could star in a remake of "Top Gun" where he patrols around the Gulf of Mexico, while hunting for top secret North Vietnamese nuclear submarines that're threatening Mississippi & Alabama (when he shows up for drill that is). :wink:

tom d. friedman · **Posted:** Mon Nov 20, 2006 6:58 pm

dan gets the credit for that zinger!!! what's the new submarine?? complete witha cigar humidor, the uss monica lewinsky??

Bill Greenwood · **Posted:** Mon Nov 20, 2006 7:21 pm

JPeters, we must give Bush 2 his due credit for his military service. After all while he was patrolling the gulf coast in his air conditioned jet it must have worked; we were never invaded by the Virgin Islands or Jamaica. I was on duty in Laporte keeping the Battleship Texas safe just in case Santa Anna decided to reinvade.

bdk · **Joined:** Sun May 02, 2004 1:16 am **Posts:** 11324

http://www.news.navy.mil/search/display ... y_id=17111

How embarrasing to be on this boat...

We may need it though to patrol North Korea where it's namesake handed over nuclear capability.

Jerry O'Neill · **Posted:** Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:21 am

Dan K wrote:

Heh, heh...

"...USS Blowfish was already taken..."

Dan;
Since all subs go down, it doesn't matter what the name is!
Jerry

Former Member · **Joined:** Mon Aug 29, 2005 1:40 pm **Posts:** 1493

bdk wrote:

http://www.news.navy.mil/search/display.asp?story_id=17111

How embarrasing to be on this boat...

We may need it though to patrol North Korea where it's namesake handed over nuclear capability.

I'll admit that I'm no fan of Jimmy Carter and believe he was one of the worst presidents in history (our current prez will probably take that honor away from Jimmy though).

I guess it only makes sense to name a sub after him considering that he did serve in the Navy and I believe he was also a graduate of the Naval Academy (correct me if I'm wrong). I'm not up to speed on naval vessels but what is the Navy's policy when it comes to naming vessels after presidents? They have Reagan and Bush #1 for aircrraft carriers...any others???

John

Former Member · **Joined:** Mon Aug 29, 2005 1:40 pm **Posts:** 1493

Here's a couple more to keep you smiling!

chico · **Posted:** Tue Nov 21, 2006 11:06 am

jpeters wrote:

I guess it only makes sense to name a sub after him considering that he did serve in the Navy and I believe he was also a graduate of the Naval Academy (correct me if I'm wrong). I'm not up to speed on naval vessels but what is the Navy's policy when it comes to naming vessels after presidents? They have Reagan and Bush #1 for aircrraft carriers...any others???

John

Jimmy Carter; the best ex-president we've ever had. Seriously, the guy's done great work since he left office.

My admittedly limited understanding is that the biggest 'faux pas' if you will is that the ship was named for a living president. Naming a capital ship (if that term is correct) is supposed to be an honor reserved for deceased dignitaries.

Just my personal opinions here: There's a laundry list of folks that deserve to have vessels named for them. Do we really need to open the floodgates and start fellating politicians even more while they're still alive? How about honoring the folks that served on these ships, rather than the guys that signed the bill that approved the defenese spending budget that included funds for, but not exclusive to, the building of the warship?

This business started with the USS Ronald Reagan, which I'd have understood if they'd have announced it after he died, but he seems to have quite the cult of personality in Washington. They renamed the airport for him, they want him on the dime, and every couple of years someone goes off half cocked about putting him on mt. rushmore. Enough's enough.

Now we've got the USS George H. W. Bush and the USS Jimmy Carter, where does it end? Pretty soon we'll have the new Aegis cruisers the USS Nancy Pelosi and USS Newt Gingrich, A new destroyer DD-469 USS Bill Clinton, and newest missle sub the "USS Single-term-senator-from-Rhode-Island-whose-name-we-forgot." Oh yeah, and the Navy will soon launch a new fleet of garbage barges, the USS William Halsey, USS John Paul Jones, and the USS George Dewey providing they can get the appropriate funding approved by cutting veterans pensions and medical benfits.

Ain't politics grand?

bdk · **Joined:** Sun May 02, 2004 1:16 am **Posts:** 11324

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